mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
