I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sorry my hands just texted you
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
