I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
