Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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