Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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