My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
