Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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