drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
