i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
