I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
