I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
