thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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