Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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