The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
soo... how was my night?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
