I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
