Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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