Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
