hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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