anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
