I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
