Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
