I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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