you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
