I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
