Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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