what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
