Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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