He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
