I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
