one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
