This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
