ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
