Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
