i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
