The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
