It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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