I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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