What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
