He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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