Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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