stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
