theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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