I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
