just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize