Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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