Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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