i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
