Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
