When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
