Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
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