dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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