one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I am spending my child support on dildos
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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