Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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