How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
