hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
