just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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