I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
