eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
