you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
