i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
