just tell him i said nine months
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
