Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
