just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
