He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Someone signed my nipple.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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