we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
