I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
