she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
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