remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
