We're like a lot better than the average bears
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
