Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
