if i can run in heels then i can drive
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
