There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dick very happy bro
tell me about the eggs
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
