Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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