you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
