Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
