First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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