Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
