Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
