I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
